turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
