How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
