I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
