I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
