i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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