is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
