1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
