I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
