I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
