Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
