I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
