I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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