The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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