Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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