To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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