Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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