I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
