i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
