what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
