Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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