margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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