Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dignity is for republicans.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Randomize
