I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
