she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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