i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
