You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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