My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
