Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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