My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Panties = found
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
