Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
