Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
