you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My life is pants optional.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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