Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
