I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
