i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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