I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
