i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
