New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
