Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
