You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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