Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
