I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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