i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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