wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i love accidental penises.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
