VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
