I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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