We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
