I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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