thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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