guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
