I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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