i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
