Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
